Sixty Days of Joy: Celebrating Kai's Second Month

By the time the clock marks 6:05 am in Japan tomorrow morning, our son, Kai, will have witnessed the first 60 days / nights of his young life. There's no combination of words I could use to sum up what the past two months have been like. Suffice to say this:

THANK YOU

FOR THE PRIVILEGE

UNIVERSE. 

"Success is when reality catches up to your imagination.”

 - Simon Sinek

Fifty Days Into Parenthood: A Reflection

    It's hard to believe that fifty days have already passed by since our son, Kai, was born around the middle of December. It's been an interesting experience to say the least, and I think it goes without saying that my new role as a "Dad" has kept me busy... very busy  (but in a good way of course). It really makes you realize and appreciate just how much time, patience, effort, and love it takes to welcome a new human being into this world; one who depends solely on you and your spouse to get his/her journey started.

    Everything from learning... experimenting... OK, failing epically... on using cloth diapers after swearing you will never buy disposable ones... to getting used to being quite "useless" in the crying baby department once hunger strikes... to figuring out how the hell to get the car-seat properly installed... to getting used to the completely new sleeping pattern you need to get through the day... all the way to slowly experiencing how quickly your mouth dries after all your saliva gets quenched by the inability to keep your mouth closed due to the unbelievable cuteness of the little "bundle of joy" you have the privilege to hold in your arms or have sleep next to you.

    Interestingly, out of nowhere it seems... I’ve began to notice more and more babies and children around me... be it at the park, the beach, the mall, the streets, etc. Of course, it’s not like they haven’t always been there, I think I’ve just become more aware of them now. Being the first of both my paternal and maternal families to have a baby (even though I have older cousins), and certainly one of the first ones from my circle of friends and classmates, it really feels as though I’m exploring this new highlight of my life solo. Indeed, sometimes it feels like I’m snowboarding down a completely new mountain terrain full of untouched powder with no familiar trails to follow. Perhaps that sounds a bit exaggerated..., but the fact of the matter is that both Kaori and I are certainly venturing into unknown territory just as every other parent has done at one point or another. 

    Now don’t get me wrong, this is an extremely exciting time for us. Indeed, this isn’t the first time that either of us has left behind our comfort zone and taken on to mark our very own trail in countries and cultures entirely different from our own. Fortunately, this time around, at least this is the country of origin for one us and that certainly helps. Nevertheless, as experience has shown us in prior adventures, we are mindful of the fact that regardless of how much advice we are given by our own parents, friends, books, and professional caregivers, nothing prepares you better for this venture than day-to-day experience. In other words, it’s not something you can get or buy from somewhere, it’s just simply something that you gotta go through and earn with a lot of hard work, patience, commitment, and at times... improvisation. Just like anything worth having in life, the answers for parenting are simply not written in the back. 

    It’s particularly worth noting the fact that Kai has quickly embodied the term “hafu”  (a ridiculous label if you ask me) in the eyes of other people. A term which basically implies he’s not “ethnically ‘pure’ Japanese”... he’s only “half” even though he’s still eligible to hold Japanese citizenship... unlike a “gaijin” (a.k.a. alien / foreign) like myself. Interestingly, those in the West who have met him via Skype or in pictures... no doubt see him as “Japanese-looking”. Whereas people here in Japan can almost immediately notice that he is is indeed only half- Japanese, hence the term - “hafu”. It seems important to mention that although my brother-in-law here has three children, one of which was born last August and will no doubt become of one Kai’s closest cousins/friends, Kai is by definition a “bi-cultural child”. Actually, fourth-cultural now that I think about it... wait, is that even a word? What this means is that  independent of my in-laws valuable advice and example, when it comes to raising Kai, we are mostly going to have to figure it out on our own. 

    Which begs the question, where do you start? Which language do you use at home? Would he get confused if we talk to him in English at home, but also try to teach him Spanish on the side while at the same dealing with the fact that outside of our door you either speak Japanese or you can’t get much done? To say nothing about what kind of schooling we will eventually enroll him in! The Japanese schooling system in which I’ve worked for the past 2.5 years and puts emphasis on cramming for tests? A costly but extremely beneficial  private International School? Send him abroad in his teenage years? Head back to Canada eventually? Who knows. Can you tell I’m feeling stressed? Wrong. I’m not. I live in the moment. The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all-answer for any of these questions. Will it be challenging? You bet. Will it be frustrating? Probably. Can it be done and should it be a priority? Absofuckinglutely... pardon my French. ;)

    For all it’s worth, I can’t imagine a better investment in someone’s life than providing the opportunity to attain fluency in three languages before his/her teenage-years. Okay, fluency is maybe pushing it... but you get the idea. After all, languages open doors, everyone knows that. Lamentably, although in theory you would think that the so-called “hafus” could RULE Japan given the cultural richness they can bring to the table, these cultural treasures are yet to be given their proper due in Japanese society. Indeed, Japan’s business world, particularly its domestic market appears to be cautious of the kind of diversity that these hybrids can provide. Threatened perhaps, but they are definitely not fully ready for them. F#%&ING B&%L S*#$ you say... and rightfully so... but hopefully, this will change at some point in the near future (that is if Japan wants to stay competitive and continue to matter in today’s world... or forever remain an island in limbo). Indeed, if you asked me, I would say that if anything what Japan needs most is more “hafus” (among other things...). 

    Nevertheless, the fact that this isn’t the case now (or at least for the time being) is certainly not a deterrent for providing little Kai with the best possible opportunities to develop into the ultimate global citizen that he can be. One who not only understands the various mechanisms the world depends on to function, but more importantly, can help bring about solutions to the various challenges we will face.  Naturally, by the time he turns twenty (or earlier if laws change), he will have to make a choice on whether he retains his Japanese citizenship or embrace his Canadian one and continue on writing his own story wherever his dreams and the currents of change take him. 

    Time will reveal what lies ahead, for now I’m simply happy to report that little Kai is no so little anymore. Given that we basically spend our entire day (well Kaori at least...) with him, sometimes it’s hard to notice the gradual growth which takes place on a daily basis. Nonetheless, most of the clothes which just a couple of weeks were fairly big on him, now fit properly, and he no longer really fits in his “baby bath”. To say nothing of how quickly our arms get tired after carrying him around the apartment waiting for those tiny green eyes to fall asleep. 

    Lately, with all these dumps of snow we’ve been getting around here, I’ve caught myself day-dreaming of the various activities I can’t wait to try doing with both Kaori and Kai (fingers-crossed for choosing boarding over skiing). And with Spring just around the corner... well, the possibilities are endless (camping / Japanese Alps expedition anyone?). Lastly, it’s exciting to report how remarkable it has been to hear him imitate our voice in attempting to say “Hello!” back to us. Naturally, we thought it was a fluke at first. Perhaps we were only hearing what we wanted to hear, but after witnessing it for more than a dozen times now, I can’t help but admit it.  The guy is 52 days old and he can already utter a welcoming word and move his neck around! Incredible. 

After all, as Lao Tzu reminds us, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. 


Grow on bud.

Sincerely,

                     - A fifty-something-day-old Dad